As we turn the page on another year, the idea of setting New Year’s resolutions looms large. For many, it’s a chance to start fresh, to draw up a list of goals for self-improvement, and to imagine a better version of ourselves. Yet, in my experience—and for most people—resolutions are not particularly helpful.
We set ambitious, often unrealistic goals at the start of the year, only to abandon them by Easter. This cycle of failure leaves us feeling defeated and even more discouraged than before we started. How does this happen, and more importantly, is there a better way to approach personal growth? Let’s explore why New Year’s resolutions fall short and discuss an alternative that has worked better for me: setting priorities, cultivating supportive habits, and being kind to ourselves in the process.
Why Resolutions Fail
New Year’s resolutions often fail because they are built on flawed foundations. Here are some key reasons why they don’t work for most people:
- Unrealistic Goals
The excitement of a new year can lead us to set overly ambitious goals—“I’ll lose 50 pounds by Easter” or “I’ll go to the gym every day.” These resolutions are more fantasy than reality. Believe me, I know. Despite making these same resolutions, I have never lost 50 pounds by Easter or made it to the gym every day for even a week. When we inevitably fail to meet such lofty expectations, we feel disheartened and give up entirely.
- Timing
The New Year follows a whirlwind of holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s itself. We’ve just navigated family gatherings, indulgent meals, and some of the darkest, shortest days of the year. It is the start of Winter, not the greatest season for outdoor exercise in many parts of the world. Frankly, it’s not an ideal time to overhaul our lives. We’re often physically and emotionally depleted, which makes the monumental task of adopting new habits even harder.
- The Problem with “Self-Improvement”
The term “self-improvement” itself can be problematic. It implies that there’s something wrong with us that needs fixing or that we’re failing in some fundamental way. This mindset can lead to negative thought patterns, feeding a sense of inadequacy rather than empowerment.
- Lack of Reflection
We often jump straight into goal-setting without taking the time to evaluate our true priorities. What matters most to us? What aligns with the current stage of our lives? Without this reflection, resolutions are like darts thrown at random—more likely to miss the mark than hit it.
A Better Approach: Priorities Over Resolutions
Instead of resolutions, I focus on setting priorities for the year. This approach acknowledges that life is dynamic and that what matters to us changes over time. Priorities provide a guiding framework for the habits and actions we choose to cultivate. Here’s how I structure this process:
- Evaluate Priorities
Each year, I take time to reflect on what truly matters to me. This involves acknowledging that my priorities have evolved over the years. For example, what I worried about in my 20s—career milestones or social status—is no longer as pressing in my 50s, when I have met my career milestones and am no longer interested in social status at the cost of my peace of mind. Now, I’m more focused on health, meaningful relationships, and personal fulfillment.
By focusing on priorities instead of specific goals, I set myself up for success. A priority acts as a compass, guiding my decisions without the rigidity of a resolution.
Turning Priorities Into Habits
Once I’ve identified my priorities, I focus on cultivating habits that support them. These habits are small, actionable steps that align with my values. Here’s how I approach this process:
- Keep It Simple
I limit myself to three main priorities. Too many, and I risk spreading myself too thin. For 2025, my top priorities are:
- Health and well-being
- Valuing friends and family
- Personal growth through incremental change
- Choose Enjoyable Habits
For each priority, I identify habits that feel achievable and, importantly, enjoyable. For example, one of my priorities this year is to maintain good health—a more critical goal as I age. Instead of setting a rigid resolution like “I’ll exercise every day,” I focus on habits that make movement fun and sustainable:
- Walking outdoors
- Swimming
- Dancing
- Participating in virtual reality workouts through Meta Quest Supernatural Virtual workout program
By framing these activities as enjoyable rather than obligatory, I’m more likely to stick with them. Notice that I don’t call it “exercise”—a term that often feels like a chore. If I call it exercise, then I don’t want to do it. Instead, I embrace movement as a way to nurture my body and mind.
- Make It Public
Sharing my commitments with others adds accountability. Whether I post my plan on social media or share it with close friends, the act of making it public keeps me honest. When others know about my goals, my community is supportive and I’m more motivated to follow through.
- Check In Regularly
Throughout the year, I check in with myself to assess my progress. If I’m not sticking to a habit, I don’t beat myself up. Instead, I view it as an opportunity to reflect. I ask myself:
- Have my priorities shifted?
- Was there a life event that disrupted my routine?
- Have I fallen into old, unhelpful habits?
For example, if I find myself spending too much time scrolling through funny cat videos instead of taking a walk, I use that awareness to gently course-correct. This process requires kindness and self-compassion. After all, I’m only human, navigating a sea of distractions and challenges.
The Role of Relationships
Another key priority for me in 2025 is valuing friends and family. This has taken on even greater significance after the loss of my mother in 2024. Life is fragile, and the connections we have with loved ones are precious. This year, I’m making a conscious effort to prioritize time with the people who matter most. Whether it’s scheduling regular phone calls, planning visits, or simply being present in the moment, these habits align with my desire to strengthen relationships.
Incremental, Attainable Change
Instead of chasing dramatic transformations, I focus on small, incremental changes. These are more sustainable and have a cumulative effect over time. For example:
- If my priority is health, I aim for 30 minutes of physical activity three times a week.
- If my priority is relationships, I set aside one evening a week for quality time with family or friends.
This approach aligns with the principles of SMART goals—setting Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound objectives. By breaking down priorities into manageable habits, I create a roadmap for meaningful, lasting change.
A Kinder, More Flexible Approach
Ultimately, my approach to New Year commitments is grounded in kindness. Life is unpredictable, and no plan survives unchanged. Instead of rigidly clinging to resolutions, I allow myself the flexibility to adapt. If something isn’t working, I reassess and adjust without judgment.
This philosophy has made a world of difference for me. By focusing on priorities, cultivating enjoyable habits, and practicing self-compassion, I’ve found a way to align my actions with my values—without the pressure of traditional resolutions.
Conclusion: A New Year, A New Perspective
As we step into 2025, I encourage you to reconsider the traditional New Year’s resolution. Instead of setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals, try starting with your priorities. Reflect on what matters most to you at this stage of your life. Then, identify small, meaningful habits that support those priorities.
Remember, self-improvement isn’t about fixing something that’s broken. It’s about nurturing the best version of yourself with kindness and care. By focusing on incremental change and being flexible in your approach, you can create a year that truly aligns with your values.
So this year, let’s skip the resolutions and embrace a gentler, more effective way to grow. Here’s to a 2025 filled with purpose, connection, and self-compassion.